By Kim and Andrew Wittman

Are You a Reasonable Responder or Emotional Reactor?

It’s that time of year, back-to-school orientation and time to meet the teacher. You get the postcard in the mail designating the teachers for your child this upcoming year. As you scan the list and see ”Miss So & So.” You instantly react with a stream of unconscious complaining. Your child syncs up with your emotional reaction and begins the school year detesting the teacher before school has even started.  Your next inkling is to call your PTA friends and ramp up the complaints, gather more ammunition and gain sympathy.  The train has left the station, is increasing speed, but is it headed down the wrong track?

Let’s slow the departure for just a few seconds and turn that emotional reaction into a reasonable response. Begin by asking yourself a few questions like, “Do I actually know this person? Do I have personal and first-hand experience with this teacher? Or am I reacting to the perceptions of other people?”

If you know the teacher and have first-hand experience with him or her, then ask yourself, upon what facts am I basing my reaction? Stating that the teacher is “mean” or “hard” is stating opinion, not fact. Just because a teacher’s style isn’t your favorite doesn’t necessarily translate to them being an inadequate teacher or detrimental to your child’s development.   

A Catalyst for Growth

Sometimes in life, these types of situations turn out to be the catalyst for exponential growth.  Having to deal with a teacher, boss, or coworker that we don’t like is part of life. The sooner your child begins to develop interpersonal skills the less stressed they will be when forced to navigate the emotional minefields that come with conflicts in personal and communication style preferences. These are the times we can grow the most, be stretched and learn how to deal with people and situations that aren’t ideal. The best time to go through these is when we are children. That’s the time parents are there to support, love, coach a child along the way. What better time to grow and learn?

As our dear friend Ruth says, “We aren’t raising children, we’re raising adults.”  (Or we should be).

So instead of being emotional reacting parents that complain about problems, let’s be the parents that teach our children to become reasonable responders that work through and solve problems.